I\u2019ve lost track of how many days we\u2019ve been out at sea. It feels like most of the summer has gone by. Raiding season must be almost over. It feels like a total defeat losing Thorkel and the others. A giant part of me died with him. I do not know what to do as I wander the ship, aimlessly looking for work. The others seem to leave me alone, all but Skardi, Solmund, and Griotgard. Even they seem to treat me like a child. Careful not to say the wrong thing, as if a single word could cause me to shatter. But they too, seem lost. Varin was an important figure in their lives, and he\u2019s gone too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The sun beats down on us like a searing, furious fire. Our water supply is limited, but we did manage to get more food from the last raid. A lot of the men have gone through the loot, talking about claims they will lay when the Earl gives them the chance to take their share. Several of the slaves are passed around to keep the men from getting too agitated. Rognvald thinks that letting them have a good fuck will keep them from fighting each other, but disputes still seem to happen, especially over potential loot. I suppose it\u2019s inevitable when you keep men cramped together like this for days.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As days go on, the anger and hate I hold seems to be at a simmer compared to the raging fire it was after Thorkel\u2019s death. Despair has taken its place. I feel hopeless. I don\u2019t know what to do without my brother. As if I\u2019ve lost my will to carry on. I am not hungry even though I haven\u2019t eaten much for days. If it weren\u2019t for Skardi, Solmund, and Griotgard forcing food down my throat, I wouldn\u2019t eat anything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve taken to the wine, but even it can\u2019t drown this void inside me. I look down at the sea and wish it would take me too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But then I think of that elf. The one with the burning red hair and the anger and rage returns, but it lacks the energy it once had. I\u2019m too weak to feed the fire inside me. The wine seems to be the only thing I can stomach, but even that has begun to make me feel sick. My hair has started to fall out, and I\u2019ve gained sore spots and begun bruising easily.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But I\u2019m too exhausted to do anything about it. I know I\u2019m getting sicker and sicker, wasting away, but I don\u2019t care anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI can\u2019t take this anymore. I won\u2019t watch you die, you stupid boy,\u201d Rognvald says as he forces an orange fruit into my hands. \u201cEat this, it\u2019ll ward help with the scurvy, that\u2019s what\u2019s causing all the shit bruising and sores. Also, no more wine. It\u2019s dehydrating you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I wearily eat the fruit before he forces me to drink water. Over the next few days, he watches me closely, making me eat more fruit and drink more water. The sickness slowly fades, but I don\u2019t feel any better. I just feel lost.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I head down to see the slaves to find Gizor harassing the women. Fondling and molesting a brown-haired monk girl as she and her compatriots struggle while she cries. The older male monk is unconscious. He must have tried to stop Gizor. \u201cStop harassing the slaves, Gizor.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He looks up at me. \u201cOh, don\u2019t spoil my fun. They\u2019re Southern heathens. They worship a false god. What do we care about what happens to them?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThey are claimed by the Earl. I don\u2019t want them damaged before Sigvor gets a look at them. Do you want to anger my father?\u201d I ask.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He grumbles and sighs. \u201cFine. What about the elves?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I look over at them all huddled up in the corner. I don\u2019t understand why their ears are long and pointy. It annoys me. And their eyes. It\u2019s unnatural the way they glimmer, so blue and shiny. I hate them. I hate them all. \u201cHave at them.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Gizor grins as he walks over to the elves. I ignore him and turn my attention to the monks. The red-head goes to the brown-haired one to comfort her as she tries to cover up. I look at the brown-haired girl as the blonde one rushes down to help the older man. He\u2019s bleeding. \u201cPlease, you have to help him. He\u2019s hurt badly. That man hit him in the head.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I sigh and take a look at the gash at the back of his head, lifting the cloth she has pressed against it. It\u2019s pretty deep. \u201cI don\u2019t know what more I can do for him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIf you take my collar off, I can heal him. Please,\u201d she says, begging me. There are tears in her eyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAnd allow you to strike me down with your magic? Do you think I\u2019m stupid?\u201d I glare at her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo. I don\u2019t. And I won\u2019t. I\u2019m a priestess of the Light. I forsake violence. Just let me heal him and you can put the collar back on.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I pull out my knife and point it at her, along with the talisman I was given to protect against magic. \u201cIf you try anything, know that this protects me against magic. I will cut your throat without hesitating.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She nods. I put the talisman back and take out the key, grabbing her collar and pulling her close enough to unlock it. She doesn\u2019t hesitate and pulls the old man\u2019s head into her lap while pulling a crystal out from under her robe. Stealthy little Southerner. What happens next was nothing short of miraculous. A bright yellow light appears from her hands and shrouds the man\u2019s head, engulfing him in the light. It\u2019s so bright I have to look away. After what feels like an eternity, the light finally fades. To my astonishment, the gash is completely gone. The woman staggers a bit, but the boy monk comes to her aid. I quickly put the collar back on before she has a chance to use her magic against me. I\u2019m not foolish enough to trust a Southerner by her word. She looks even more frail once the collar snaps in place. Her hands go to her neck before she pulls them away. She looks up at me, but instead of defiance, I see gratitude in her eyes. \u201cThank you for letting me heal him. And thank you for stopping that man from harassing us. I just hope you might reconsider allowing him to harass the elves.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt was either you or them.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That causes her eyes to go wide. She bites her tongue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSo, tell me about this\u2026 Light? How is it that you\u2019re able to do such things?\u201d I ask.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe Light is our saving grace. We\u2019ve been blessed with the ability to be the vessels in which the Light gives us its flames of hope,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019m confused\u2026 Is this Light a person or\u2026\u201d I scratch my head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt\u2019s complicated,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIs it a being? I don\u2019t get it,\u201d I say, my face contorting as I try to wrap my mind around it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe Light is a force. It\u2019s all around us,\u201d the brown-haired girl says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAnd you harness it?\u201d I ask.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNot exactly,\u201d the blonde-haired one who healed the old man explains. \u201cWe let it guide us and use us as its tools.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSo, it talks to you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWell, not exactly,\u201d she says, causing me to run my hands through my beard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWell, how does it guide you if it can\u2019t tell you what to do?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt has messengers. A long time ago, the Angel Akrasiel came down to Aratheon and saved us from the other gods. The ones who want to destroy us,\u201d she says, hope returning to her eyes as she talks about this Akrasiel, whoever that is. \u201cHe is the Light\u2019s protector. Our guardian angel. He guided us and taught us how to use the Light, but only to heal and protect the innocent people.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSo, this Angel Akrasiel, is he a god? And who are these other gods? There are more?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWell, I guess he is like a god. He has the power to fight the other gods. We were taught by Akrasiel\u2019s first disciple, Terel Glarespell, who sat beside the Angel and learned the way of the Light. He taught us about the holy kingdom on the holiest island, and he told us that most religions have a foundation that was built upon a kernel of truth,\u201d she says with pure and absolute confidence, as if there\u2019s no doubt in her mind that what she says is truth, but I have nothing but doubts. \u201cThat there are many different gods of many different powers. That some of these gods are benevolent, some are neutral, and others seek destruction and are full of malice. Some are agents of chaos, while others want order. Some create and others destroy. Perhaps your gods are also among these.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAnd this man tells you what this angel says? He has spoken to him?\u201d I ask. All of them nod. All of them besides the old man, he\u2019s still out. \u201cWhere? Where is this man? He\u2019s a human like us, right? And this holy island, is it among the Southern Human Kingdom or the elven kingdom?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWell, yes, he wrote books on it. He taught us a great many things that the Angel said. He and the other disciples built the first churches, but he left the first church because they no longer practiced what Angel Akrasiel taught and became weighed down by bickering council members and a senate that serves no purpose but greed. And he stays at The Holy, the divine city of the Light on the Holy Island. It is its own nation apart from the humans and the elves. It\u2019s kept secret from all other nations. Even Terel himself is kept secret. Even most of the other disciples believe he is dead. We have our own army of the Light full of Paladins and priests. And Terel, he\u2019s an elf,\u201d the blonde one says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAn elf? I hate elves!\u201d I growl. The flame reignites within me. \u201cElves are no good. You can\u2019t trust the fools of elves.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I get up and walk away. Stupid Southerners. Trusting the words of an elf. That Terel elf has them wrapped around his finger. But I know, you can\u2019t trust any of them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
—<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The day comes when we finally arrive home. The town gathers at the docks when they see our ships. I thought this day would be a happy one when we first set sail. I thought I\u2019d be overcome with joy to see my wife and child, but it\u2019s her sister, her daughter, and the baby in her belly that fills me with sadness. Who will look after them now that my brother is gone? I\u2019ll have to take that responsibility. My brother\u2019s seed must live on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We dock and the crew stagger off to reunite with their families. I am the last one off. I do not know what I\u2019m going to say to my family. No words will ever be enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My wife rushes to me with my son in her arms. He\u2019s grown. His head is full of hair. She buries both of them in my chest. It takes every bit of strength I have not to collapse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhere is Thorkel?\u201d I look up to see Asfrid walking to the ship with her daughter in her arms. \u201cWhere is my husband?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I can\u2019t even fight the tears welling up in my eyes. I have to tell her. Arni looks up at me and her eyes seem to lose the joy they held as she sees the pain in mine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry, Asfrid,\u201d Rognvald says as he approaches her. \u201cHe\u2026 He sacrificed himself so we could get away.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo\u2026\u201d she says as she looks to the ship, still searching. Her eyes fall on me. \u201cPlease, Bothvar. Tell me this isn\u2019t true. Please tell me Rognvald is lying.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I tear my eyes away. \u201cHe tells the truth. Thorkel is dead.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She nearly collapses, but Rognvald holds her steady.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMove aside,\u201d I hear father say as he and mother push through the crowd. When he sees me, his eyes go wide. \u201cIs it true? Tell me what happened. Did Thorkel fall?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I nod as the words get caught in my throat. Rognvald steps forward. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Beorcol. He went out like a true Viking. He sacrificed himself. He, Varin, Styrkar, and Saksis took the ship we captured and rammed it into the elven war ship, crippling it so we could escape.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My father\u2019s eyes turn to rage as he grabs Rognvald\u2019s jerkin. \u201cWhy weren\u2019t you on that ship instead of my son?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe was in command. I tried, but he wouldn\u2019t allow it,\u201d Rognvald says, fear and regret dripping off his voice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat means nothing to me,\u201d father growls. He turns on the other crew. \u201cWere none of you brave enough to step up and take his place? What kind of Vikings are you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
His eyes land on me. \u201cAnd you\u2026 He was your brother. You just let him go? Why didn\u2019t you stop him?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I let go of Arni and step past her to face him. \u201cYou\u2019re right, father. I am a coward. I am not worthy of being the brother of Thorkel. Nor am I worthy of being a Viking or your son.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The smack he delivered sent me to my knees. \u201cYou are pathetic. Look at you. Your brother is dead and you act like a sheep. Where is your anger? Are you even my son? Vikings do not feel sorry for themselves. We get stronger and we get revenge!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I look up at him, and the fire inside me rekindles. The elf with the fire red hair burns in my eyes. \u201cYou\u2019re right, father. I promise I will stop at nothing until I kill the bastard that murdered Thorkel. I\u2019ll rip his heart out.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Father takes a deep breath as he stares down at me with vile content. \u201cGood. Leave my sight until you do.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He turns and walks away. My mother bends down to help me up, but I jerk away from her. \u201cBothvar…\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My wife steps up to me, but I push past her. \u201cI know what I must do. I must get stronger. I will be the strongest warrior there is, and then I\u2019ll kill that bastard elf. I\u2019ll cut his head off and bring it back to father. I promise I\u2019ll avenge Thorkel and the others. I\u2019ll kill every last one of them on that ship.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Without looking back, I leave them all behind. I grab what I need: my ax, my pickaxe, my bow with a full quiver, my fishing rod and net, a bedroll, and some spare clothes all packed up in a travel bag. I grab the case I had long forgotten. The old wooden case. I open it to find that bright, radiant, gold and white hammer. I go to lift it but shout and pull my hand away. It burnt my hand. What is the name of the gods? It didn\u2019t do that when I took it so long ago.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It felt warm but good to hold it. Like everything was going to be alright. Now I can\u2019t even touch it. What is the deal? I close the case and shove it into the corner of my room. Stupid hammer. I don\u2019t need it, anyway. The hammer I\u2019m after is far better and stronger. Only the strongest of the strongest can lift it. And that will be me. I will lift it, and I will be strong enough to kill that bastard elf. The red hair Demon. He will pay. I\u2019ll bash his skull in with that crimson hammer. I\u2019ll feed the sharks with his dead, headless corpse. The sea will run red with the blood of him and his crew. I\u2019ll burn his ship down and send it to the bottom of the deepest depths. He and the rest of the elves. They will all feel my wrath. Every last one of them. I grab my pack and put a different hammer in. My wife stands at the door as I turn to leave. She holds our son. The look on her face deeply bothers me, but I know I can\u2019t stay. She\u2019s concerned, saddened, and afraid. Her eyes are full of tears. \u201cWhere will you go?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI think you already know.\u201d I put down my pack and walk up to her, pulling them both into my arms. \u201cI need to find the strength to avenge my brother.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She leans up and kisses my cheek before she pulls away to look into my eyes. \u201cAnd you think that hammer will give it to you? Are you sure that is what it is meant for?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat other purpose would a hammer like that have? I am certain that no one but the strongest can lift it. I will be the one to gain such strength and wield that hammer. Those elves will pay for the death of my brother.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
With one hand holding our son, who\u2019s now big enough to rest on her hip and cling to her. His little blonde hair is covering his head. Those blue eyes seem to share his mother\u2019s worry. How can I leave this boy? This beautiful boy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But it is my duty to avenge my brother. I must do it. How else will he enter the halls of Olaf? I lean down and kiss the brow of my son. Then I take my wife\u2019s soft face in my hands and give her one last kiss. Nuzzling my nose against her own beautiful one. She kisses me and threatens to not let go, but she understands. She knows my pain all too well. She\u2019ll stay with her sister and my brother\u2019s daughter and unborn son. She knows what I must do. She may not like it, but she understands.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I know she will be looked after and taken care of by my siblings, my mother, and my father. Even though he is angry with me, he will not let any harm come to my wife and child or my brother\u2019s wife and children. I stroke her soft cheek, wiping away the tears before giving her one more kiss. She holds onto me for as long as she can, but I must let her go. As much as it pains me, I do just that and walk away. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I leave Stormfront. The sadness in her eyes hurt more than any cut that a sword or ax could ever give. I wanted to hold her as long as I could, but I owe my brother a debt. I will avenge him. The mountains are where I must go. When I come back, no one will ever be able to defeat me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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