Lura Syllana
I’ve reached level nine quite easily. By now, I’ve learned how to cleanse poisons, which isn’t all that different from curing diseases, along with how to place blessings, cleanse water of taint, deal with severe injuries, and remove curses of forbidden magic. Now I must learn how to make a shield and use the Light to smite. Of course, all of what we are taught during our time as Accepted are the pure basics of using the Divine Light. Once we become Sisters, that’s when the real learning begins.
Now that I’ve advanced far enough, I’ve decided to take a step back and focus on Terel’s books. Most of the others have read through them, and I’ve now got a stack of them that I’m sure Melyis is just waiting to get a chance to read, along with anyone else who’s received the notes from Terel.
I pick up the first book I have yet to finish and read on. Within it, he mentions that the world is not at all what we believe it to be. It’s actually a sphere, a ball, and it spins which gives us night and day. Not only that, but it revolves around our own sun instead of the common belief of our sun orbiting around our world. We’re not the only world that revolves around our sun and those stars in the sky are other suns that have their own worlds revolving around them. And this is all done because of this thing called gravity. We feel the force that holds us to the ground. It’s what makes our world revolve around the sun and the moons revolve around our world. It’s mind-boggling to think about. We’re just small specks in such a large universe. What other false beliefs do we hold on to?
I take a break for lunch and quietly talk to the others who have read. “Can you guys believe the things Terel said about our world? It is a giant ball.”
“I refuse to believe that,” Biremeril says. “I can accept the things about other gods and what not, but I will not believe that our world is like some ball. And this concept of gravity. That doesn’t make any sense. How would people at the bottom of the world stick to the ground? And how does the water not fall off the world? I can’t believe it.”
“I don’t know. It makes sense to me. Have you ever whirled a bucket of water over your head?” Charinva asks, with her nose buried in a book. She doesn’t wait for a response. “The water doesn’t fall when it’s upside down over your head. What keeps the water in the bucket? It’s kinda like gravity, right? But It’s different. It all makes sense to me. The thing I have a hard time wrapping my head around is that we’re just pawns in a game of war with these gods. They move us around and sacrifice us like it’s all just a game, yet they die and rise again, but what happens to us? We’re just ants beneath their feet. Do you care about the ants that you hardly even notice?”
Biremeril shakes his head. I only shrug and sigh. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Chalia rush over. She looks disturbed. Her eyes meet mine and she stops. She bites her lip and then rushes over to me. “Lura, you have to come with me.”
“What is it?” I ask.
She searches my eyes. “Some of the Paladins have returned from the north.”
My eyes go wide as words go unspoken. I get up from the table and take care of my trash before going with Chalia as the others rush behind us. We make our way out to the main entrance where people gather as Sisters and Brothers from the north make their way through. Behind them are the Paladins. Both men and women in armor. They look weathered. None of them are Orym. Behind them are the esquires, Paladins in training. They hold up the fallen upon planks. And there, lying on a plank lies Orym. His flesh is a cold icy blue with his eyes covered with pendants.
It feels like the light inside of me has gone out as I watch his lifeless body being carried through the hall. I drop to my knees as tears rain down from my eyes like a storm of sorrow. My heart just died and shattered into pieces. The warmth I felt has gone cold and the joy I found here has withered into sorrow like a flower in the desert that goes without water. This feels like it is all my fault. Orym was punished because we fell in love with each other. He’s now dead and gone because he gave me his heart, and the worst part is, for the longest time, I thought he was a liar. I thought he took my virginity and left with my heart. And now that I know the truth, that it wasn’t his choice, the pain of losing him like this hurts even worse. Knowing that he only left because he was being punished. When I found that out, my heart beat again, but there is nothing left of it anymore. I feel so hollow inside. That light I found here has been snuffed out and all that is left is darkness.
I feel arms wrap around me, but I can’t bring myself to care. I hear Chalia whisper in my ear. “Come, Lura. Let’s go back to your room. You don’t want people to see you like this.”
I don’t care how people see me. I don’t care about anything anymore, but I let her guide me away. Others ask why I’m so upset. No one but Chalia knows the truth. Back in my room, I lay down and bury myself in my pillow. Chalia stays for a while, but eventually leaves. I don’t know how much time passes, but I can’t bring myself to get out of bed.
So many what-ifs are running through my mind right now. What if I never took Orym as a customer? What if I just kept serving drinks instead of serving men? What if I never snuck into Low Town? What if I listened to my father and never started thieving? What would things be like if I just listened?
My parents and my uncle, along with his crew, wouldn’t be slaves right now. Orym might still be alive. I’d still be with my family, even though we’d still be stuck in Tent City scrounging for food, but at least no one would have been hurt by my actions. Why do people suffer like this? Why must we endure such hardships? Will the Light ever give us salvation? What is the reason for such suffering? Does any of it matter?
A knock at the door pulls me out of my swirling thoughts. Light breaks in as Chalia enters. “I brought you some food. You need to eat.”
She brings the tray in as I sit up from my bed. She sits down next to me and puts the tray in her lap. Then she snaps her fingers, lighting the lamp. “I don’t feel like eating right now.”
“It’s been nearly two full days since you’ve been hidden away in here. You have to eat,” she says as she picks up a bread roll and hands it to me.
I give in and force myself to eat it, only to appease her so she’ll leave me alone. “They’re allowing people to go pay their respects to Orym and the others. I thought you should know.”
My head perks up as my eyes go wide. “Really? I must go see him.”
“Not until you eat all of this food,” she says.
I sigh but relent and try to stuff everything down. It’s hard, I feel so weak. She tries to get me to slow down, but I need to see him. When I finally finish, she takes me to him. Apparently, this happens all too often because they have a chamber just for this. Orym rests upon a slab of marble in a small side room. Fortunately, no one else is here. We walk into the small room. Chalia puts her hand on my shoulder. “I’ll let you be alone with him. Just don’t lose yourself in grief.”
I nod. “Thank you, Chalia. For everything.”
She nods and then walks away. I look down at his body, dressed in a pure white robe. His skin is that cold, icy blue. It’s as if the light of his soul was taken from his body. It looks like him, but I know he is not here. This is the shell he left behind upon his death. I take in a deep breath and let it go. “I don’t even know what to say. For the longest time, I thought you were only lying to me. I thought you used me and left me. Then I learned the truth. You were forced to leave. Punished for loving me. I don’t know what is worse. A world without you in it is a dark and cold place, and I don’t know if I can bear it.”
I place my hand on top of his, only to feel cold. I remember his touch and this isn’t it. It was warm and holy. It felt as Divine as the Light he filled me with the night I gave him my virginity. I wish I could give him my light. Tears fall from my eyes, but it does nothing to lessen the pain inside of me. “I just wish I knew why you couldn’t come back. I wish I had a chance to say goodbye. If I knew that night was going to be the last night we had together, I would’ve broken my heart in two and given the other half to you. If I knew the trouble our love was going to cause, I would’ve kept us apart to save you.”
“I thought you were the one.” I look up to see Damaris standing there. She looks as sad as I feel. “I knew Orym fell in love with someone at that Brothel and I had a suspicion it was you, but I didn’t know for sure.”
“It’s all my fault. He’s dead because he loved me,” I say, pulling my eyes away.
“Oh, no child, this… This is not your fault,” she says as she closes the distance between us. She pulls me into her arms. “Orym had a big heart, and he was incapable of keeping it from falling in love. He decided to love you, and he knew what could happen. And aside from that, this is one thing I believe the church is wrong on. The love you shared with him was pure and it never deserved to be punished. This… This is the fault of the church. Not you or Orym.”
I look up at her and she smiles at me. It’s a sad smile. “Come, I need to give you something, and I think it’s best we go somewhere to sit.”
I go with her, and she leads me out to the courtyard as we find a bench somewhere secluded. She pulls out an envelope and looks down at it. “Before Orym was sent to the North, he mentioned you. He didn’t mention your name, but he said a girl might come looking for him. He also told me how he fell in love with her and that he couldn’t help himself. He said she saved him from his own pain. That you saved him. He said you were this sweet, wonderful, and truly good person. You made him find the Light once more. Orym had a hard life, not that different from your own. I found the poor boy after his mother and father were killed. They were merchants doing business in Chillshore, and I was there for the church. We were on our way to Barefrost when we were attacked by a tribe of particularly cruel Northmen called Bone Eaters. They killed his parents right in front of him. I managed to pull him away as men from Barefrost who were traveling to Chillshore arrived. We survived, but Orym was now all alone. The poor boy had no one else. I took him in and brought him to the church. But he wanted to avenge his family, so he left to become a warrior. It took a lot of time for him to find the Light after losing his parents, but he eventually came back. Even then, he still was lost in the dark for a long while. I thought for a moment he found peace, but then they sent him to the north after he was caught at the brothel. Maybe it was you who helped him find it.”
Her words only make me want to cry even more. She hands me the letter. “He wrote this for you. He told me when a girl comes asking for me, give her this.”
I look down at the letter and trace my fingers down the ruffled parchment. I open the fold of the envelope and pull out the parchment inside. Unfolding it, I find that his handwriting feels as warm as his voice.
Lura,
To the woman who found my heart within the darkness of my soul, know I didn’t leave you by choice. It seems our love has come at a cost. The night you gave me your first, I was caught with my heart in your hand. For that, I have been sent to the land that took my family. Perhaps this was meant to be. Life always seems to come full circle. But know this: I will not forget you, and I will fight for our love until the day we can be together again. My heart belongs to you, even if my body fights for the Light. I will not give up on us. I just hope you find it in your heart to forgive me for my sudden disappearance.
If I shall die, forget about me and live your life. And please reconsider joining the church. You have a good heart, and it would flourish within the service of the Light. They may have ridiculous rules, but the Light brings out those with the purest of hearts and surely that is where you belong.
I hope you find your family and free them.
My heart is yours,
Orym
Tears drip down onto the parchment, smudging his words. I try to wipe them away, but I can’t stop the flow. Damaris’s gentle touch rubs up and down on my back. “It’s okay to grieve. Just let it out.”
With utmost care, I fold the parchment and put it back within the envelope, holding it to my chest. “Maybe the church is right about attachments. Surely no pain could be as bad as this.”
“There were times I could agree with you, but wouldn’t you rather have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? Orym gave you something rare that few people ever find. An unconditional and pure love. Even the insurmountable pain of its internal absence is worth a mere moment of its overwhelming presence.”
I look up at her, wiping away tears that forever rain. “Maybe in time I will feel that way.”
I look out at the courtyard, no longer seeing the light of life, but only the gloom of its absence. I look back up at Damaris. “Will I see him again when I too join the Light when I die?”
She looks deep into my eyes, searching. After a deep breath and a long release, she nods. “Yes, I believe so.”
“Then I guess I will just have to hold on and be good until I can earn my place next to his.” I close my eyes, searching for his face. It was only brief moments we had together, and that’s all that I will have with him until I join him in the Light.
We sit there for a while in silence. Finally, Damaris tells me that I should say my final farewell before they send the dead to the Light. She walks with me back to the visiting chambers before she takes her leave.
I look at the man who gave me his heart. “Do not worry, my love, we will meet again soon when I finally join you in the Light. For now, I have to serve faithfully so the Light will find me worthy. I will earn my place next to yours.”
“What are you doing here?” I look up and am surprised to see none other than Olizara Greatgazer entering the chamber.
“I’m just paying my respects and honoring the dead. What about you?” I ask.
“I was close with Orym. Our families were related. You seem awfully grievous for someone who never met him,” she says, as she stares at me suspiciously. I can tell she still holds contempt in her heart because I surpassed her. That seems so petty now.
“I only knew him for a brief moment, but he left a big impression on my life,” I say, which is the honest truth.
Her eyes narrow at me. They shift between Orym’s body and my own eyes. Then they go wide. “It was you! You were the whore that got him in trouble. Weren’t you?”
My eyes go wide. “I… I…”
“I knew there was something wrong about you. You’re nothing but a whore. You don’t deserve to wear these robes,” she says as she sneers at me.
“I…”
“I’m going to tell everyone that you are the reason he is dead,” she says, turning on her heels and rushing out.
“No! I loved him,” I say as I take a step forward, but give up. What if she is right? He wouldn’t be in trouble if it were not for me. He didn’t go to that brothel for sex. That just doesn’t seem like something he would do. He went there to find love, and I gave it to him.
I turn back to where he lies. Where his empty shell lies. I don’t care what she tells people. I know the truth in my broken heart. I loved him with all of it and it died with him. After a long moment, I try to bring the words to say my goodbye, but I can’t. I don’t know how to say goodbye. Instead, I pray that we will see each other once more when I join him in the Light if I am found worthy.
I walk out and return to my room. Chalia is waiting for me. “Hey, Damaris wants to meet with all of us. She said it is urgent.”
I follow her into a classroom where all the other strays are. Damaris is waiting for us. “Is everyone here?”
Everyone nods. “Good, this will not take long. I have just been given urgent news and I must leave. I hope I won’t be gone long, but there is something important I must take care of. I’m sorry that I cannot say more than what I’ve just spoken. I promise you all that one day all will come to light, but for now, be patient. Look out for each other, and hold firm within the Light. Now I must be off.”
I rush out behind her as she walks off. “Sister Damaris!”
She turns to meet my eyes. “I’m sorry, Lura. I don’t have time to talk. I must go now. When I return, I will be with you. I promise.”
“Sister Damaris!” Chalia says as she rushes up beside me.
Damaris meets Chalia’s eyes and gives her a brief smile. “Don’t worry Chalia. I’ll be back before you know it. Now I must go.”
And she does. Leaving us all. We head out a window to watch her leave the Cathedral as she meets up with High Mother Mathienne, Mother Vedana, and Mother Nostra along with several other Sisters.
“What do you think is so important?” I ask.
“I don’t know… Whatever it is, it must be worth the urgency,” she says. I nod. The rest of the strays also watch with us.
Ralodan among us looks suspicious as he rubs his chin. Regardless, I just don’t have the energy to care anymore. I head back to my room and bury myself in my sheets.
I don’t know how long before Chalia walks in. “They’re going to perform the ascension of the dead. I thought you should be there to see Orym one last time.”
I pull myself out of bed and nod. Chalia helps me clean up, and I follow her to join the others as we walk into a sacred chamber of ascension. As soon as I walk in, whispers flurry through the crowd as everyone stops what they’re doing to stare at me. Some point and others glare. I already know what they are talking about. Olizara must have been spreading the word about my relationship with Orym. Or her version of it.
I don’t care. Let them talk. Nothing they say could make me feel any worse than I already do. I follow Chalia as we join the other strays.
When the ritual begins, they bring in the bodies of the deceased, starting with one I do not know. The elf is put on the marble altar at the center of the chamber. Several priests and priestesses gather around and lock hands. Father Anfather stands within the circle with a book opened. “Light be praised, for today we send one of our Brothers and Sisters to join our fallen family within the Light. May the Light look after your soul, my fallen Brother.”
They sing as a beam of white-hot light falls down upon the body and it is lifted up, disintegrating within the Light as if it becomes one with the Divine flame.
Next, Orym is brought out and laid upon the altar. I can barely see through my tears as Father Anfather repeats the words for Orym. They are lost on me as I watch the Light lift my love up to the heavens, taking my heart with him. His body becomes one with the Divine.
Several others ascend after Orym, but the rest of the ritual fades away as I look up to the Light and pray for the keeper of my broken heart. May the Light keep him safe. I pray that I am worthy of finding the path to him so we can be together once more. He was the man who showed me what love was. He was kind and gentle to me when I needed it most. Even though there was a time when I was lost when he was sent north, our love never died.
After the ceremony, I follow Chalia out and over to get supper with the others. I sit with my friends as I pick at my food, lost in the few blissful memories of the only nights we shared. Our moments were few, but they were filled with more passion and love than I have ever felt. Now he is gone and I am here, left with an empty chest and a missing heart. I take a deep breath and let it out.
“Are the rumors true?” Ochilysse asks as I look up to meet her eyes. “Did you work at a brothel before you came here and sleep with Orym?”
“Ochilysse! That’s none of your business,” Chalia says.
“I was only wondering. Rumors are spreading all throughout the halls. I just wanted to know the truth,” she says.
“Whore!” a noble Accepted says as she walks by.
I look all around to see people whispering and pointing at me. Words like whore, prostitute, slut, and even worse are being thrown around with my name attached. They’re saying I’m the whore who got Orym killed. I got him sent to the north. I seduced him and corrupted his pure heart. Tears burn down my cheeks as I get up and run out. “Lura!” I don’t care anymore. About anything. I just want to die.
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